Monday, November 19, 2012

Thomas Cranmer: Collects for Zombie Advent

'Tis the Season of Advent, and the Zombies are upon Us.  Let us pray and fight, to the glory of God.
Blessed Lord, who has caused all holy Scripture to be written for our Learning; grant that we may so hear Them, read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest Them; that by Patience, Axes, and comfort of thy Holy Word we may embrace and ever hold fast the blessed Hope of Eternal Life, though not of Zombie eternal unliving, which Thou hast given us in our Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Almighty God, who dost make the Minds of all Men to be of one Will; grant unto Thy People, that they may love the Thing which Thou commandest, and desire that which Thou dost promise, that among the sundry and manifold Changes of the World, our Hearts may be surely fixed to put to ruin the Zombie Hoards, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

God, which hast prepared to Them that love Thee such Good Things as pass all man’s Understanding; Pour into our Hearts such Love toward thee, That we loving Thee in all Things, even Those who have gone to Zombie, may obtain Thy Promises, which exceed all that we can desire; through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Almighty and Everlasting God, Who art always more ready to hear than we to pray, and art wont to give more than either we desire or deserve, pour down upon us the abundance of thy mercy, forgiving us those things whereof our conscience is afraid and giving unto us that which our prayer dare not presume to ask, especially when we must slay our Loved Ones who have been consumed by the Undead; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Almighty and everlasting God, give unto us the Increase of Faith, Hope, Strong Limbs for an Axe, and Charity, that we may obtain That which thou dost promise, make us to love that which Thou does command; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

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